the fuzzy tailed apple seed

Your baby is now about the size of an apple seed.

Interesting. I have a baby apple seed in my belly. The same site for this information also told me my baby has a tail! So, now I am picturing an apple seed with a fuzzy squirrel tail. Not quite the loveable, kissable kid I think I'll end up with. I think it is facinating, though, that we know when all these tiny parts begin to form. The arms and legs will be forming within the next 48 hours. And my book tells me to watch out for some of the emotions of pregnancy...uh, too late, I think.

tired

I had forgotten what it felt like to be overwhelmingly exhausted. Not able to keep my eyes open. Ready to crawl in bed from the moment I wake up. Ugh.
At least no sign of nausea yet. By this time with BabyK, I was already sick several time a day. I hate to jinx myself, but I hope that means this time won't be so miserable.

what is wrong with people

Or, momma is overwhelmed!

It is a lot to take in. And it already seems like I can't get anything done as it is. I work 2 days a week, teach 2 night classes, and on my "days off" I have to clean the house from top to bottom due to the lead level we discovered. Add into that all the Kira time, Jeremy time, and other stuff like laundry and dishes. So, that leaves me with about an hour a day give or take an hour. Seriously. So, my "me" time is limited at best. Even when Kira was a newborn, I had more time. At least I had a chance to scrapbook and chat with my online buddies. Now, if I sit by myself for even a second I have someone needing something. (Take for example that I had already typed this entire post...right before Kira pushed the little blue button on my computer and shut the whole thing down.)

And daddy is overwhelmed, too. He just started a new job and works monday through friday, watches Kira those 2 nights a week that I teach...and then I was supposed to work all weekend, too. (I came home from work today to give him a break.) And he needs his "me" time even more than I do.

And we expect to be able to add a baby to this mix? Ah, the emotional upheaval has begun. I can vaguely remember feeling overwhelmed when I was pregnant with Kira, but then all I was worried about was being a mom! I am sure it will all be fine, but right now, it is hard to trust that.

And people are so insensitve. Do they not have any idea how overwhelmed I am? YES, I am aware of that little pill I could have taken to prevent this. Do you not realize that we were not TRYING to prevent this? YES, I am aware there will be 2 babies in the house at once. Do you have to remind me every 5 seconds? YES, I KNOW that it is going to be very stressful. Are you trying to make it worse?

Geez, people. Can I have a little support in my corner, please? Like maybe telling me about the benefits of having another baby? Or maybe offering an ear to listen to me when I get stressed?

And just becaused I am stressed does NOT mean that I do not want this baby. I am THRILLED to be having another baby. I just need a little time for it to sink in before my head is filled with all the plans that need to be made.

Whew. Glad that is off my chest. I'll be in the bathroom for the upteenth time today if you need me. (I'd forgotten that part of it!)

Holy Moses!

I think I am in shock! After 18 months of trying to have a baby we ended up with our little one at the perfect time, but with lots of effort. So, when we said we were leaving it up to chance, I naturally assumed that meant we wouldn't have a baby for a while. A long while.
When you leave things up to chance, though, you really give up the control...
As I found out this morning.
My friend was actually TRYING to get pregnant, and since I had lots of fertility knowledge, she was talking to me about her current status. But, when she told me that she was due to get her period "tomorrow," something in me froze. I always start the week before her. Always.
Hmmmmm....
So, I dug in a drawer and found an old pregnancy test from the days of TTC Kira. It wasn't expired yet, so I used it. Two lines popped up right away. Oh, dear God! Even though I was a week late, I still didn't expect it! I even rushed right out to the store to buy another test since that one must have been "faulty." Same thing.
Now, don't think from this that I am not excited. I am thrilled, as is Jeremy. I am also scared out of my mind! I never thought after all that that I would get pregnant so easily...without even trying! And now I'll have 2 children under the age of 2. Ok, ok...so I'll only have 2 children under tha age of 2 for a month until Kira TURNS 2, but still...
So I have 2 big worries.
1. What if I have a pregnancy like last time. I do not know how I will handle taking care of Kira (especially those wonderful diaper changes) with that kind of morning sickness. I can only hope for less nausea.
2. Will this take away from Kira's toddlerhood? Will she feel neglected? I guess I just thought I'd have so much more time to spend with her alone before the rest of our family came along.
So that's it. One day of shock, excitement, and more...
Oh, and did I mention that my friend IS pregnant. We will be due only 4 days apart!